Cindy, the Hoe-r

The Cindys
Originally uploaded by paynehollow.

The story goes that our pastor, Cindy, was preparing to leave for Sabbatical. This was her first ever sabbatical and we wanted to send her off in style. So, for her last Sunday with us, we had a special service in which we hoped to commission her to go, rest, learn and grow.

As part of that commission, we had a church member rise and give a little homily about the different roles we have in church.

“Some,” the speaker said with great beauty and flourish, “are here to plant the seed. Some are here to water the seed. Still others tend the weeds and others are there to nurture the plants. Above it all, though, God is the one who causes the plant to grow.

“And so,” she said, “with God the Gardener, and Cindy, the Hoe-r…”

And as we listened to the speaker's sweet southern accent declare that our pastor Cindy was a “hoe-r” (sound it out) and as it sunk in, what that sounded like, titters began to spread around the room while the speaker continued, unaware of how it sounded. Cindy’s husband, Robert turned and asked in a whisper, “Did she just call my wife a ‘whore’?”

And great merriment was had by all. It was one of those moments where, because it was a relatively serious service and we weren’t wanting to break the tone, we were all trying not to laugh and so we all had that squelched laugh pinch to our faces and shoulders were bouncing in silent laughter.

It gets better.

Later, Cindy had told her mother on the phone about the incident and had a great laugh about it. The next day, Cindy’s mom tried calling her back but no one was home so she left a message on Cindy’s answering machine:

“This is your mom trying to reach my daughter, the whore…”

Except that Cindy’s mom had accidentally called the wrong daughter and left a message on Cindy’s sister’s answering machine – who, no doubt, was left wondering, “What have I done to deserve that!?”